I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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