I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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