i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
