He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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