don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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