Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
