Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany

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(917): i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany http://tfl.nu/9r3u

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(514): View more from Quebec

I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...

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(514): I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits... http://tfl.nu/tjcr

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(515): View more from Iowa

If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.

(641): View more from Iowa

Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?

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(515): If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships. (641): Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump? http://tfl.nu/nlh0

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(937): View more from Ohio

Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either

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(937): Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either http://tfl.nu/8shq

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(727): View more from Florida

You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.

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(727): You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on. http://tfl.nu/u7oz

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(503): View more from Oregon

There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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(503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

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(860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br

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(248): View more from Michigan

We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

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(248): We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod. http://tfl.nu/ciwq

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(614): View more from Ohio

If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.

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(614): If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health. http://tfl.nu/8ftn

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(316): View more from Kansas

At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment

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(316): At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment http://tfl.nu/s8j6

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(520): View more from Arizona

I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

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(520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm

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(949): View more from California

I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.

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(949): I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that. http://tfl.nu/q7ek

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(847): View more from Illinois

We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.

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(847): We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love. http://tfl.nu/9pu7

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(616): View more from Michigan

Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.

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(616): Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy. http://tfl.nu/lqb9

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(417): View more from Missouri

THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW

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(417): THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/z4i2

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