grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy