my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit