she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world