In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry