Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him