You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
