I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
