I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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