Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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