it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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