Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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