Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
