In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
