I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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