If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's never too late to be topless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
