i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
