I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
