we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
