Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
