My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
