Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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