i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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