so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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