The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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