the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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