apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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