Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
