Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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