I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
