oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
