pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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