my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
