I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
