I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
