I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
