And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
