Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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