third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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