Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
