The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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