I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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