Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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