Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
