YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
