her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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