When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
