Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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