My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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