she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
