32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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