If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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