i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
