I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
