No stitches, just platelets and will power
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
