Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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