note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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