the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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