dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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