So drunk its hurt
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
