am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
