I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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