Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
