i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
