They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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