OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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