she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
