I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
