Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
