i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
