This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.