I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?