there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.