tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?