someone owes me an orgasm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men