fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
