the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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