You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
