I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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