I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize